Well, no it isn't really, but I figured that the few remaining people in this world who don't have a tattoo should at least get some kind of label to help with our impending identity crisis.
I've lately run into something of an existential crisis in my life, but I'll get to that later. I don't want a tattoo. I never have ever wanted one. This places me somewhere inside the roughly one percent of total people who don't have one. Where in the past having a tattoo placed you on the fringes of society, today is just the opposite.
So, my identity. What is it? Am I simply 'that guy without the tattoo' or am I still considered 'normal'?
OK, well normal if you discount the extreme neuroticism.
Giving this guy a run for his money
What made me really start to question whether those of us without tattoos were still normal was simply turning on the television and watching almost any show that was on at that time. You are bound to, at least within 5 minutes, see someone with a nice, inked up tatt.
In the past, it was only the usual characters who'd be bearing ink on their skin.
Go see a rock band? Tatts.
Strip club? Tatts.
Visiting a local meth lab? Tatts.
This has changed. Today you needn't look far to encounter someone who's got ink, and it's usually in more than one place. You see, it's only been within the past 4 or 5 years that more and more people of either sex have decided that a tattoo is the perfect way to express their individuality. Yet how does one simply express themselves as an individual in a way that's become so conformist?
And what exactly happens to certain rules, now that so many people think a permanent sketch of Mickey Mouse on the side of their neck is a sane look? For example, there are so many jobs that require you to cover all tattoos as best you can. For example, there are still plenty of retailers today who have a strict corporate policy regarding this. How then, are these rules able to be kept in place if so many people are having multiple tattoos done in various places on their body?
Now don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against tattoos. I know plenty of people with them and some of them are close friends. I never judge an individual based on what they do with or to their body.
Except you - you're a fucking idiot
Now I do know that a lot of people who get ink done do it for a certain sentimental or important reason that has great significance on their life.
Then there are those who do it for the exact same reason that I chose to use the picture of a naked Angelina Jolie as the thumbnail for this article: To get attention
This is my greatest issue though. Without todays ultimate sign of expression, am I left to be tossed aside as without meaning in my life? Without having any significant importance in my life?
I know that's not true, but my greatest issue in life is the perception of myself from others. Again - neuroticism.
Now those of us without tattoos are on the fringes and it feels kind of weird - we didn't really make a choice the way that others did. I don't care how you look at that last sentence, but simply avoiding a needle that will engrave Betty Boop on your left shoulder doesn't require a choice to be made - the choice is made when you actually do that.
For some, choices are just on a dartboard full of possible bad decisions
Hypothetically, if it weren't so mainstream (not to sound all hipsterish or anything) but I'd probably get a tattoo if I actually had what you kids call 'swag'. Mine would be C-3PO bitch slapping Han Solo while Chewbacca laughs. Why? Simple because I've always wanted to see that, that's why. It's the same reason Billy Madison colours the duck in blue!
But that's never going to happen (not the C-3PO thing - I'll draw that shit!), the tattoo is only hypothetical because for someone like me it just isn't a possibility.
You had it coming you scruffy looking nerf herder!
You can read more about C-3PO revenge fantasies by following @SiCar on Twitter
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